In the days coming up to the wedding of Fiss and Senie, does anyone have a little tidbit of advice for the couple?

Here's my little contribution:

Senie: You already know this, but I think it needs to be stressed. Don't let him eat chowder EVER! I know the true horrors that his ass can unleash on the world after a bit of chowder....

Fiss: Don't get her mad. She's scary when she's mad. *hides from the senie-assassins*

Don't stop dating each other.

I'll say that again: don't stop dating.

If nothing else, it's fun.

Keep three months salary in savings.

<takes down notes> ^_^

For God's sake, listen when the other person talks. ;_; Don't cut them off because that will piss off anyone.

If a man ever tries to talk to a woman(wife), and she doesn't say anything, even if she says nothing is wrong, something is wrong. Men must learn to identify the womens' mood by the unspoken cues.

If a woman says something to a man, and he doesn't say anything, he didn't hear her. Women must learn to get the mens' attention before speaking.

Be nice. All the time. I know the "be nice" part is easy, but the "all the time" part is hard like a teenage boy in the womens' locker room. Senie and Fiss, you two will be around eachother all the time and for a very, very long time. Tempers will flare no matter what you try to do, but if you can master being nice even when you're angry, you'll be in for a smoother (though not as smooth as a baby's bottom) ride.

I live with my sister and her husband, at the moment. They've been married for almost twelve years. These things are important. Communication is a biggie. Everyone says "we know how to communicate", but they never do know it all.

Pay attention to nonverbal signals during sex. After the initial "OMG SEX" thrill wears off, the physical expression of love requires more than thrusting to keep being an hnest expression of intimacy.

Also, read the Bible together and pray together every morning. That usualy does more in the long run than good sex.

...Or you could learn Tantric, so you can pray while having sex. ^_^

Christian tradition, man. Tantric's not kosher.
Though, now that I consider it, sex and prayer aren't mutually exclusive.

"Lord, bless this meal..."

*cough* anyway.
(who'd have thought Toze would be the one to bring up sex?)
My grandmother passed this to us on the day of my sister's wedding and reiterated it when i visited her later that year. she and my grandfather dated for ten years. they knew from the start that they were meant for one another, and they were married for 51 loving years until his death. that's fifty-one, for you AOL users. she told me:

Sarah and I practice this. "I love you because you put up with my total lack of social skills" "I love you because you don't mind that my ass is bony" "I love you because you let me touch your boobies." Whatever. but mean it. every day.
May you have 51 three times over together, my brother, and may you die surrounded by pudgy great-grandchildren.

great-grandchillun with SOUL.

"Hey, dat be granpa Fiss!"
"Les' kick him!"

Grandpa Fiss will have swords, and lots of sugar to bribe his young grand-chillun..

<slams the door with a paniced face at hearing of the Fissy legions> Quick! Bolt the doors! Sheild the windows! They've come for our CAFFINE!!!!

I guess Fiss will create his legions of Ni's. Just with bodies...

Let's wait and see what Senie has to say about that. ^_^

I think this would only become an issue if one of them tries to name them all names that start with "Ni", like "Nick" or "Niel" (realizing, of course, that "Neil" is probably the proper spelling).

NIA (1) f Welsh
Welsh form of NIAMH

NIA (2) f African
Possibly means "purpose" in Swahili.

NIALL m Irish, Scottish
Original Gaelic spelling of NEIL

NIAMH f Irish, Irish Mythology
Means "bright" in Irish... [more]

NIBORI m Japanese
Means "rising to eminence" in Japanese.

NIC m English
Short form of NICHOLAS or DOMINIC

NICCOL? m Italian
Italian form of NICHOLAS... [more]

NICHJO m Esperanto
Esperanto pet form of NICHOLAS

NICHOL m Scottish
Variant of NICOL

NICHOLA f English
Feminine form of NICHOLAS

NICHOLAS m English, French
From the Greek name Nikolaos which meant "victory of the people" from Greek nike "victory" and laos "people"... [more]

NICHOLE f English
Variant of NICOLE

NICK m English
Short form of NICHOLAS

NICKOLAS m English
Variant of NICHOLAS

NICKOLAUS m German
German form of NICHOLAS

NICKY m & f English
Pet form of NICHOLAS or VERONICA

NICO m Italian
Italian short form of NICHOLAS or NICODEMUS

NICOD?ME m French
French form of NICODEMUS

NICODEMO m Italian, Spanish, Portuguese
Italian, Spanish and Portuguese form of NICODEMUS

NICODEMUS m Biblical, English
From the Greek name Nikodemos which meant "victory of the people" from Greek nike "victory" and demos "the people"... [more]

NICOL m Scottish
Scottish form of NICHOLAS... [more]

NICOLA (1) m Italian
Italian form of NICHOLAS

NICOLA (2) f English
Latinate feminine form of NICHOLAS

NICOLAE m Romanian
Romanian form of NICHOLAS

NICOLAO m Spanish
Spanish form of NICHOLAS

NICOLAOS m Greek
Variant transliteration of NIKOLAOS

NICOL?S m Spanish
Spanish form of NICHOLAS

NICOLAS m French
French form of NICHOLAS

NICOLASA f Spanish
Spanish feminine form of NICHOLAS

NICOLAU m Portuguese, Galician
Portuguese and Galician form of NICHOLAS

NICOLE f French, English
French feminine form of NICHOLAS, commonly used in the English-speaking world.

NICOLETA f Romanian
Romanian feminine form of NICHOLAS

NICOLETTA f Italian
Latinate feminine pet form of NICHOLAS

NICOLETTE f French
French feminine pet form of NICHOLAS

NICOLINA f English
Pet form of NICOLA (2)

NICOL? m Italian
Italian form of NICHOLAS

NICOMEDO m Italian
Italian form of NIKOMEDES

NICOSTRATO m Italian
Italian form of NIKOSTRATOS

NICU m Romanian
Pet form of NICOLAE

NICUSOR m Romanian
Pet form of NICOLAE

NIDIA f English
Variant of NYDIA

NIELS (1) m Danish
Danish form of NICHOLAS... [more]

NIELS (2) m Dutch
Dutch short form of CORNELIUS

NIEVE f Spanish
Variant of NIEVES

NIEVES f Spanish
Means "snows" in Spanish, derived from the title of the Virgin Mary Nuestra Senora de las Nieves meaning "Our Lady of the Snows".

NIGEL m English
From Nigellus, a Latinized form of NEIL... [more]

NIGELIA f English
Feminine form of NIGEL

NIGELLA f English
Feminine form of NIGEL

NIILO m Finnish
Finnish form of NICHOLAS

NIINA f Finnish
Pet form of ANNA

NIKANDROS m Ancient Greek
Means "victory of a man" from the Greek elements nike "victory" and andros "of a man"... [more]

NIKE f Greek Mythology, Ancient Greek
Means "victory" in Greek... [more]

NIKEPHOROS m & f Ancient Greek
Means "carrying victory" from Greek nike "victory" and phorein "to carry, to bear"... [more]

NIKHIL m Indian
Means "whole, entire" in Sanskrit.

NIKHILA f Indian
Feminine form of NIKHIL

NIKIAS m Ancient Greek
Derived from Greek nike meaning "victory"... [more]

NIKIFOR m Russian, Bulgarian
Russian and Bulgarian form of NIKEPHOROS

NIKITA m Russian
Russian form of the Greek name Aniketos (see ANICETUS).

NIKKI f English
Pet form of NICOLE or NICOLA (2)

NIKKOLE f English (Modern)
Variant of NICOLE

NIKLAS m Swedish
Swedish form of NICHOLAS

NIKLAUS m German
German form of NICHOLAS

NIKO m Finnish
Finnish form of NICHOLAS

NIKODEMOS m Ancient Greek, Greek
Original Greek form of NICODEMUS

NIKODIM m Russian
Russian form of NICODEMUS

NIKOLA m Serbian, Croatian, Hungarian, Basque
Serbian, Croatian, Hungarian and Basque form of NICHOLAS

NIKOLAAS m Dutch
Dutch form of NICHOLAS

NIKOLAI m Russian, Bulgarian
Russian and Bulgarian form of NICHOLAS... [more]

NIKOLAJ m Danish, Slovene
Danish and Slovene form of NICHOLAS

NIKOLAO m Esperanto
Esperanto form of NICHOLAS

NIKOLAOS m Ancient Greek, Greek
Original Greek form of NICHOLAS

NIKOLAS m English, Greek
Variant of NICHOLAS

NIKOLAUS m German
German form of NICHOLAS

NIKOLE f English
Variant of NICOLE

NIKOLETA f Greek
Greek feminine form of NICHOLAS

NIKOLETT f Hungarian
Hungarian feminine form of NICHOLAS

NIKOLINA f Bulgarian
Bulgarian feminine form of NICHOLAS

NIKOMACHOS m Ancient Greek
Means "battle of victory" from Greek nike "victory" and mache "battle".

NIKOMEDES m Ancient Greek
Means "to think of victory", derived from Greek nike "victory" and medesthai "to think"... [more]

NIKON m Ancient Greek
Derived from Greek nikan meaning "to be victorious".

NIKOSTRATOS m Ancient Greek
Means "army of victory" from Greek nike "victory" and stratos "army"... [more]

NILA f Indian
Means "dark blue" in Sanskrit.

NILDA f Spanish, Portuguese
Short form of BRUNILDA

NILES m English
Form of NEIL

NILOFER f Iranian
Means "water-lily" in Persian.

NILOOFAR f Iranian
Variant of NILOFER

NILOUFAR f Iranian
Variant of NILOFER

NILS m Swedish, Norwegian
Swedish and Norwegian form of NICHOLAS

NIMA m Arabic
Means "blessing" in Arabic.

NIMBUS m English (Modern)
Recently coined name meaning "rain cloud" or "halo" in Latin.

NIMROD m Biblical
Meaning unknown, possibly of Babylonian origin or possibly meaning "rebel" in Hebrew... [more]

NIMUE f Welsh Mythology
Meaning unknown... [more]

NINA (1) f Russian, English, German, French
Short form of names that end in nina... [more]

NINA (2) f Near Eastern Mythology
Means "enclosure of fish" in Babylonian... [more]

NINA (3) f Native American
Means "fire" in Quechua.

NINEL f Russian
Reversal of the name Lenin... [more]

NINETTE f French
Pet form of NINA (1)

NING f & m Chinese
Means "peace, rest, tranquility" in Chinese.

NINIAN m Scottish, Irish
Meaning unknown, perhaps a Latinized form of the Welsh name Nynnyaw... [more]

NINO m Italian
Short form of GIANNINO and other names ending in nino.

NINON f French
French pet form of ANNE

NIOCL?S m Irish
Irish form of NICHOLAS

NIR m Jewish
Means "plowed field" in Hebrew.

NIRVANA f English
Modern name coined from the Sanskrit word for the final state of bliss.

NISHANT m Indian
Possibly means "dawn" from Sanskrit.

NISSA f Jewish
Means "sign" in Hebrew.

NITA f English
Short form of names ending in nita... [more]

NITIN m Indian
Possibly means "ethical" or "right path" in Sanskrit.

NITYA f Indian
Means "always, eternal" in Sanskrit.

NIU f Chinese
Means "girl" in Chinese.

NIVEK m English (Modern)
The name KEVIN spelled backwards.

NIVEN m Scottish
Anglicized form of NAOMH?N

NIZAR m Arabic
Perhaps from Arabic nazir "to be little".

NIZHONI f Native American
Means "beautiful" in Navajo.

wow


though it may be easy to see things as they are, take the time to sit down and think about everything. It is too easy to become used to the way of life and drift along. i know.

keep on dreaming, no matter what. dreams are part of what make us human.

[theological 'bantering' edited because I don't want a thread about my upcoming wedding turning into stupid]

Alright. Since not many here actually are married and have families, how about a show of hands? Who's married / immdiate family just got married/etc?

Does living with a married couple and being able to be a direct observer count?

Whatever works. ^_^ I was just curious. Not saying you can't make a point otherwise.

<Raises hand> One wife, no kids (yet), no exes...

Well, after thinking it over a bit, I'm afraid I don't have any "words of wisdom" in stock. I can share a mistake or two we made...

BIG ONE: you're marrying the whole person. Each of you is bringing everything you are into this - including your hangups, idiosyncracies, and baggage. F'r'instance, Kitty is more emotionally oriented and open; I'm more intellectually oriented and controlled. That made the inevitable conflicts more difficult, and we frankly had a rough time figuring out what was really going on, and it was damn rough going for a while. Eventually, we realized that we each of us had to learn to accomodate the other while we worked out what was going on. (And she deserves rather a bit more credit than I do on working it out...)

It's that ole debbil, Communication, again... If you remember that you love each other, AND you remember that neither one of you is either a saint or a devil, AND you cut an appropriate amount of slack for each other while the two of you work on whatever's posing the problem - you'll get better at each other.

So, I was at a young adults class, yesterday, and they kept going on about how you should share your faults with others because it helps to share the burden... but they also said it requires a lot of trust because you're leaving yourself open to emotional hurt. Now, this last concept is alien to me; I can share almost anything with anyone and it is impossible for them to emotionally damage me. It occurs to me, now, that people other than me are not merely sensetive, but super-sensitive to criticism on their faults. I can see this causing a lot of problems in a marriage as, living with the person all of the time, they will know your faults without you having to tell them. Normally, I'd hope you trust them enough for this to be fine, given that you married them, but it also occurs to me that you didn't actively allow for them to know your faults. In the young adults class I went to, only three people there were not married or dating someone present, and I was the only one unconcerned with this concept.

The initial claim that comes to mind is people arguing "Marriage is the declaration that they are allowed to know" but it really isn't. I've seen a dozen marriages where this has not been true by default. It takes active work - hard work - to make this claim true, and it requires both parties to deaden their emotions to criticism of their faults. Note this isn't saying "they shouldn't work on thier faults" but rather "they shouldn't get angry or upset when someone criticizes their faults."

Right, also:

Trap: "Does this <bleh> make me look fat?"
Escape1: "Nothing in the world could make you look fat."
Escape2: "That <bleh> looks good on you."
Escape3: "People like you make people like me look fat."

Almost got it in one. But, I'd revise and extend a bit. We don't "deaden" our emotions, exactly; we don't allow a passing emotion to override our true feelings towards each other, but we don't pretend that the passing emotion doesn't exist, either. To break down the extremes: Allowing a negative feeling (exasperation, for instance; i.e., "There he/she goes again, dammit...") to override your core feelings ("I love him/her, dammit...") tempts you to say things without respecting your Other Half (which destroys everything immediately). I compare that to a hazardous waste spill. OTOH, pretending it doesn't exist is burying it, which will silently, inevitably, corrode your core feelings and gradually make your marriage unliveable. I compare this to a hazardous waste dump (a la Love Canal).

The pshrinks and counselors call it, "non-judgemental reporting". I call it, "Telling the truth without stepping on her Heart while you tell it..." And that's the core of what I've been trying to say - tell her the truth about what you feel without stepping on her Heart. And, yeah, it takes a helluva lot of work to get it right, you betcha. But, I'm here to tell you, the payoff is worth the effort...