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 (Story) Sleeping With The Girls 
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Joined: Mon Apr 26, 2004 1:30 am
Posts: 1222
Location: GALAXIUS
Post (Story) Sleeping With The Girls
This started out as a bit of an experiment in february and has turned into quite a popular little work of (fan)fiction on my part.

What happened is that I came up with an idea spawned from a spacebattles posting fad of 'you wake up in bed with X, now what?' topics.

Essentially, it's a self insert... But I've been working to deconstruct the SI scenario using certain params. Params such as:

1. I actively recognize the realities I'm in for the fiction they are, and know the facts and histories of the stories and characters.

2. I am myself, in all my lack of glory.

3. I play by the rules of THIS reality. At least, my body does. You'll understand what I mean if you read.

Read and enjoy. Chapter four proves quite brutally how 'real' it gets. ... _the_Girls

So far, I've earned my own TVtropes page. ... thTheGirls

I'm a chapter away from finishing volume one.

OWNER: Samurai Penguin Studios

Sun May 30, 2010 12:06 am
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Joined: Fri Mar 26, 2004 9:05 am
Posts: 1590
Location: Out past Fort Mudge
Post Re: (Story) Sleeping With The Girls
Story works. Ya done good. Since I don't have a account, I'll post my comments here (usual caveat that I'm the last guy you should look to for lit-crit applies).

Bravo Zulu on not making the SI an ubermensch. I've said before, I've always been partial to the concept of the Everyman as hero, and you carry it off well (not capital-H "Hero" - your guy bleeds when you cut him, and that's a good thing, in this context). The best assets you or me could bring to the table in that sort of thing are fourth-wall knowledge, and ruthless pragmatism. We couldn't possibly keep up with the nominal protagonists if we left things on their terms, so the challenge is to keep it real. You meet that, by and large.

Tech note quibble: re chapter 20 - disarming a live M67 frag is simplicity itself, so long as you: a) don't milk the spoon (i.e., let your grip on the grenade and safety lever slip enough to allow the striker to ignite the fuse train); and b) you either kept the pin and/or the safety clip, or you have something you can insert in place of the pin or can securely tape down the spoon. Of course, I was ordnance, you were commo, so maybe they didn't cover that for you... :P (I could also talk about the Mossberg shotgun safety being a slide switch mounted on the tang, but I have to remember that the SI is not going to know that, since the Mossy isn't USGI, so the chara wouldn't be familiar with it - the Mossy 590 was type-classified for the Navy as a "repel boarders" weapon for sailors...)

Other than that, I liked it well enough to keep reading.

"Charlie was a policeman, Nick-san. If you steal, you disgrace him. And me. And yourself..."

"Tough times don't last. Tough people do."

"You have the rest of your life to solve your problems. How long you live depends on how well you do it."

Token Reactionary S.O.B.

Thu Jun 10, 2010 1:53 am
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