yeah, I'm sorta, kinda, trying to write a fic. Kinda based my charater off Mo from the Omoi series by Fiss, but really changed it. Its kinda wierd, and kinda silly. Its my first real fic...that I even partially finished...so...yeah. Check it out...
FanFic directory
I've only got two files. and yes, the similarity to Fiss's books is intentional. ^^;;; I hope he doesn't mind!

Give me some feed back. I'm not expecting much, even "Holy $hi+ that sucked!" would be kewl. Please try to tell me what you think about it while remembering that I'm still new to writing...lolz

[cough] Boy, you weren't kidding when you said he's based on Mo. In fact, that might go beyond "homage" all the way to "plagiarism." But I'll let Fiss be the judge of that.

That aside, the writing itself is fine. Stylistically simple, but clear and effective. I'm interested in what this alien enemy will be like.

P.S. You might want to resize your avatar. Not necessarilly as far as the 100x100 standard, but at least enough to keep the tables from breaking.

err...thanx? I was originally going to make it an omoi spinoff and make LA be Mo's younger brother, but I kinda scrapped that idea and changed the story line. I have no idea what to do for the second book, mostly because I haven't started. I finished the first and kinda left it for a bit to see what kind of response I'd get. With my site messed up to all hell because my stupid host isn't working with SQL, I have to put everything on hold till my forums are back. After that, I'll be writing up a storm...in...a few.......months...^^;;; I'm really a busy guy for a high school student.

I would prefer trying to know your character better before doing all the flashback stuff and powers. Also, you should edit the introduction with the girl. Why would anyone honestly say "Hey! I know you! I saw you at the bus stop!" to someone else?

It's better not to tell too many people of your 'abilities' unless you really trust them or unless you have no choice in the matter. Anyways, there's quite a lot of work to be done here.

One more thing. Is this a fanfic or an original fiction? I haven't seen any characters from other series nor a disclaimer. If this is a fic, you have to mention which other story you're basing this off from.

uhm...its an original. Its kinda based off Fiss's Omoi character of Mo, but very loosely based.

And thanks for the criticism. It really does help. ^^ I knew it was kinda lame/cheesy, but I think its decent for a first try at writing. lol