-- My Grandmother died.

Harry checked the watch again, the watch my parents gave me when I came of age, noting the positions of the moving stars and planets. "Ten minutes until we make history." He smiled at me with brotherly love. "Anything you'd like to say to mark the occasion?"
"Oaoaoeui aoee, uuuoa." With your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth, you speak only in vowels.
"What was that?" asked Harry, waving his wand at my head for the umpteenth time that night to remove the jinx.
"I said, 'I can't think of anything.'"
Harry smiled at me again, then turned back to look out the window. The view of London from this high up was beautiful. I could not enjoy it, however, as I had more pressing concerns at the moment. If you had told me before I came to Hogwarts that there would be a point in my life where being beaten and tied up by my best friend would be the least of my concerns, I'd have called you a bloody fool. Presently, the Ministry of Constructive Demolition of Dumbledore's Army had disrtibuted a dozen vans filled with unstable and explosive potions with powerfully enchanted fuses throughout Greater London. In a few minutes, in a few minutes, primary charges would blow secondary charges, setting off the most powerful spell ever cast in the history of the planet, plunging the world into utter chaos.
And all I could think of was that this had something to do with a girl named Hermione Granger and soap.

-- I miss her.

I sat staring amazed at Harry Potter. He was like no one I ever met.
"So," I said as the train rhythmically click-claked over the rails, "My dad works in the Ministry of Muggle Afairs. You must know a lot about Muggles, having grown up around them."
Harry nodded but didn't say anything.
"Lots of clever tricks for getting around not having magic, those Muggles have, don't they."
Harry nodded again.
"What do you think is the cleverest Muggle invention?" I asked, desperate to have a conversation with The Boy Who Lived.
Harry didn't say anything. Instead he stood and reaching into his trunk stowed overhead.
"Hey, we have the exact same trunk!" I noted with a hint of pride.
Harry just smiled at me and pulled out a pink rectangle and tossed it to me.
"Soap," he said simply.
"Soap?" I asked, a little confused as to what was so clever about soap.
"Yard stick of civilization," Harry said nodding.

-- I read Harry Potter. It helped a bit.

"No, I don't like this, Harry." Rain smeared on the windshield as Harry drove the light-blue ford Anglica through the winding path that led through the Forbidden Forest. "What the hell are you doing with Duel Club? What's going on with Dumbledore's Army?"
"The first rule of Dumbledore's Army is you do not ask questions about Dumbledore's Army!" Seamus and Dean said in unision from the back seat.
"Phase one was Duel Club. It's moved out of the basements and hidden rooms into the world. Dumbledore's Army is phase two."
"I don't like this! Why have you cut me out like this? Why wasn't I brought into Dumbledore's Army?"
"The first rule of Dumbledore's Army is you do not ask questions about Dumbledore's Army!" chorused Dean and Seamus again.
"Shut up!" I yelled at them over the seat.
"Why are you still clinging to that shit? Why aren't you trying to hit bottom?"
"What do you mean?" I cried, exasperated, "I am trying to hit bottom!"
Harry just sighed. "What do you want to do before you die?"
"Paint a self portrait," said Dean, without hesitation.
"Ride a dragon," said Seamus, as soon as Dean finished.
Harry looked over at me expectantly. "I don't know, okay? I don't know!" I said, perturbed by the whole situtation.
"Come on! These are the best moments of your life, and you're fucking missing it!"
He took his eyes off the road to look at me. "Your problem is you still think I'm your friend."
"Fuck you!" I vented at Harry. That hurt worse than anything I'd ever felt.
"Fine then." I don't know why I was surprised when he let go of the wheel. The car immediately begin driving under it's own will, and turned to head deeper into the forest, off the marked path. I quickly grabbed the wheel and pulled it back onto the road.
"Look at you!" shouted Harry, his voice thick with disgust. He dropped his voice low so only I could hear him. "Why do you think I broke your wand?"
My mouth was open and I was agast at that admission. I let go of the wheel. Harry nodded solemnly and sat back in his seat. I did likewise. The car slid off the trail and I heard the transmission grumble as the car went airborne. The problem was, the trees were getting too close together to fly. I heard branches scraping against the car, and we were buffeted by impacts of tit trunks. Finally, there was a large jolt and the car banked sharply. My world lost all sense of direction as vertigo set in with the tumbling. A series of painfull crashes later, the car crunched to a stop. The first thing my senses registered was Harry's laughter as he pulled me from the car.
"Congratulations!" howled Harry with glee, "We've just had a near-life experience!"

-- I watched Fight Club. It helped a bit.

"They killed him! Those fucking Aurors killed him!" cried Luna.
I pulled the ski mask off his head. Neville's face was a rictus of surprise. An unfortunate amount of the back of his head was missing. I am Jack's raging bile duct.
"Okay, people, let's move!" shouted Dean, swinging into action. "Grab his feet! Go get some shovels! We'll bury the body in the garden!"
"No!" I screamed. "No! Get your hands off him!" I shoved people away from the corpse on the table. "This is not some body! He's not some roadkill you just compost! This is Neville and he was my friend!"
"B-but, sir?" said Seamus questioningly, "Members of Dumbledore's Army don't have names."
"No!" I turned on him in outrage. "He is a man and he has a name! This is Neville Longbottom!"
"I understand, sir," said Luna quietly. "In death, a member of Dumbledore's Army has a name. His name was Neville Longbottom."
"His name was Neville Longbottom," Fred said slowly.
"His name was Neville Longbottom," George said, nodding in understanding.
"His name was Neville Longbottom," the chant was building.
"His name was Neville Longbottom," The whole room was joining in.
"His name was Neville Longbottom. His name was Neville Longbottom. His name was Neville Longbottom. His name was Neville Longbottom."

-- I put them together.

I had been to six wizarding schools in the last week. Everywhere I went, Harry was just one step ahead of me. Everywhere I went, I knew there was a Duel Club there. The taste of stale magic in the air. The warmth of dozens of bodies croweded into a room. The echo of spells long since cast.

"Don't worry, Mr. Potter. The security's top notch." The house elf was idly cleaning a glass. One look and I knew he was in Duel Club.
I am the dark pit in Jack's bowels. "What did you just say."
"You're worried about security, Mr. Potter? Don't worry, it's tight."
"No, what did you call me?"
"Sir?" he said, slightly confused. "Is this a test, sir?"
"No, this is not a test. Who do you think I am?"
"You're sure this isn't a test?"
"No test. Who do you think I am?"
"Why, you're Harry Potter, sir. The Boy Who Lived."

-- My Grandmother made all her grandkids anatomically correct effigies of themselves.

"This is bad." Harry was rather nonchalant considering he just appeared out of thin air. "She knows too much."
"H-harry... Why does everyone think I'm you?" I don't know why I asked, I really didn't want to know.
"I think you know."
Words cutting into the back of my hand as I write. 'I must not tell lies.'
"No, I really don't."
"The first rule of Duel Club is you do not talk about Duel Club!"
"Sure you do," Harry said with a smile.
I did know. My throat felt tight as I squeaked the words out. "I'm... Harry Potter."
"That's right!" Harry said with glee.
"B-but... How?"
"Sometimes you imagine you're me."
Swooping to catch the Snitch.
"Sometimes you imagine you're watching me."
Harry dashing off the chess board to save the Sorcerer's Stone.
"Why?" I said, reduced to single word questions as my brain struggled to wrap itself around this.
"You wanted revenge for your parents' deaths. You wanted to kill Voldemort. You wanted to rid the world of all Darkness. You could not do this on your own. So you made..." Harry gave a little flourish with his hands, "Me."
"But you dated my sister!" I exclaimed, looking for a way out.
"Technically, you dated your sister. Not that she minded. It's not like she's your real sister."
"What?" I asked. My brain had officially ceased functioning.
"Your parents were dead, your godfather in prison. The Weasleys took you in."
"But, you--I mean, I--lived with the Dursleys."
"No, you lived with the Weasleys. You only stayed with the Dursleys when Dumbledore thought you were in danger."
"Then how do you know so much about Muggles?"
"Your dad's the bloody Minister of Muggle Affairs!"
"But--" I started to make another objection, but Harry interrupted me.
"What the hell? You think I wanted this? You think I needed a toady little sidekick to make me look good? I act like you want to act. I fight like you want to fight. I fuck like you want to fuck!"
Ginny panting as I discovered how far her freckles went, then tried my best to lick them off.
"What about Hermione?" I asked, my mouth dry.
"Well, now, that's a problem. She knows too much. She'll have to be taken care of."
"NO! You can't hurt Mione!"
"Look, we've got lots to do, and we simply don't have time to play around!"
It's called a change over. The movie goes on, and no one's the wiser.

-- It's not as creepy as it sounds.

I stared at the box in front of me and panicked. It was full of complicated gears, sprockets, and springs, and enchantments.
"I can do this!" I said, more to myself than Harry. "If you know this, I know this!"
Harry was suddenly right behind him, perched over his shoulder like a vulture. "The Caracktus counter-spell, you think? I wouldn't do that if I were you. Not the Caracktus! Please, anything but the Caracktus!"
"Your in my head!" I screamed, squeezing my temples in an attempt to Force Harry out of my mind.
"And your in mine!" screamed Harry exstatically.
I decided to risk it. With a flick of my wand, I cast the potent counter-spell on the enchanted device. The little clock showing the stars, moon, and planets stopped.
"I asked you not to do that!" bellowed Harry, his voice full of fury.
He grabbed me by the robes and yanked me out the back of the van.
I rolled to a stop, and quickly bounded to my feet, just in time to see Harry close the doors of the van. I quickly drew my wand out of my robes, and cast a spell at him. The spell went right through Harry and shattered the rear window of the van.
"Woah! Woah! You're now firing hexes at your imaginary friend in front of five hundred gallons of iced fire!" screeched Harry, flailing his arms about in anger. "You have officially lost it!"

-- She was my favorite Grandma.

I believe this is where you came in.

"Anything you'd like to say to mark the occasion?"
"I still can't think of anything."
"Flashback humor. Cute."
Harry checked his watch again. "Five minutes."
"Look, Harry, I really appreciate everything you've done for me, I really do." I used my unpetrified leg to drag myself closer to Harry. "But you've got to stop this!"
"Look at yourself!" shouted Harry. "When have I ever lead us wrong? As usual, I'll drag you kicking, and screaming, and in the end you'll thank me."
"I can do this! I can do this!" I told myself.
I was in my cave. Hermione was reclined on a stone couch with a phoenix perched on her shoulder in a very un-Mione pose. "Slide."
Something dawned on me. "That sword isn't in your hand. It's in my hand."
I looked down at my hand and saw the ruby encrusted sword of Gryffindor.
Harry looked down at his now empty hand with only a trace of annoyance on his face. "Great, still doesn't change anything." He checked his watch again. "Three minutes."
I knew what I had to do. "Harry, I want you to listen to me very carefully."
Harry looked me in the eye. He seemed to be curious more than anything. "Harry, my eyes are open."
As the blade slid into my gut, I wondered if the basilisk fang hurt less because the poison deadened the nerves, or because gut wounds are just really painfull.
Harry took it pretty well. He looked down at the blade poking somewhat comically through his abdomen and laughed. "Bloody hell." Then he collapsed.

"Let go of me!" I knew that scream anywhere! Hermione!
Fred and George were on either side of her, dragging her into the room. When they saw me, the froze.
"Sir!" they shouted, running over to me.
"I'm okay, I'm okay," I said, reassuring them. "Go get your stuff, and I'll meet you downstairs."
Neither looked particularly eager to leave me. "Go, I'll be fine!"
As they left me, Hermione scrambled over to me. "Harry! You're bleeding!"
Forest for the trees. "I'm fine. Just help me pull this out."
She still helped me pull the sword out, though she seemed to think it was a bad idea.
"Who did this?" she demanded. "Did Snape do this?"
Snape's balls were in a little jar filled with colored fluid at the moment. "Actually, I did it to myself."
"You did this?" Hermione said breathlessly, a look of confused amazement on her face.
"You met me at a very odd time in my life." I explained to her as I caressed her face.
She was about to say something, but the flash from the first explosion cut her off. She gasped as the shockwave reached us, the explosion already sending out it's expanding ring of white light across London. I gently turned her head away from the window and back to me as another explosion lit up the night. "I love you," I said before kissing her. A ring of light washed over me and I felt the wound in my middle stop bleeding. I felt my love for Hermione bubble up through my like a fizzy drink that had been over shook and sweep out of me like a warm breeze.
The effect of the explosions was something like the Patronus charm amplified to outrageous levels. In every person the ring of light touched, it found all the joy, all the peace, all the love that person had, and strenghtened it, amplified it, spread it. All the love from everyone in the city, one third the population of Great Britain, would grow and swell until it burst forth, to further power and extend Harry's spell. It would wash out of the city, over the countryside, and over the entire world. Everyone the ring touched would stengthen it. Every city would resonate the spell, pushing it's limits further than any other spell was capable of. Darkness and evil would be forcibly burned from the world. Voldemort's tortured soul would be consumed; no more Horcruxes, no more Dark Lord, he would simply vanish in a flash of light. There was nothing the wizarding community could do to hide the magic.
This was the weapon Harry chose to fight Voldemort. It was light. It was love. It was chaos. It was beautiful. Cock.

Nice stuff; is this a rough draft, or the whole thing? 'Cause this has a lot of potential.

Well, it only owrks so far, and continuing it would require some massive changes to the series, so this is as far as it's going, really. It was just something bouncing around my mind screaming to be let out, so I did.

I dunno; it depends on how you approach it, seeing as how it's not as if the modern world isn't totally divorced from the magical world. But it's nice to see what you came up with.

liked it. liked it better then most stuff..