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 Burnout Funk 
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Joined: Wed Jun 23, 2004 12:45 am
Posts: 209
Location: Trapped in a downward spiral of self-torment.
Post Burnout Funk
A character-based one-shot featuring Leon and Adam from the Omega trilogy that I'm writing. I handed it in as the final for my mickey-mouse course, Creative Writing. Hope you enjoy! And, ya know, don't commit plagerism, or anything. I love you guys.


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Burnout Funk


Mon May 15, 2006 3:27 pm
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Joined: Wed Mar 10, 2004 7:56 pm
Posts: 3479
Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
VERY nice. I've tried to do the whole scrpit-style thing before and I can never get it as good as this.

Story is awesome, and the futuristic elements fit so seemlessly with the "tired cop" narration that, so far, it's putting this in my head next to Blade Runner. Unlike the shitty first version they released...the narration here in Burnout Funk is perfect.



Christopher Fiss
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Mon May 15, 2006 7:18 pm
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Joined: Fri Mar 26, 2004 9:05 am
Posts: 1590
Location: Out past Fort Mudge
Seconded, and enthusiastically endorsed. Nice job on the self-imposed dullness of Leon's existence. (The boy needed a kick in the ass... :P ) You struck a good balance on his apathy - enough don't-give-a-shit to get across that he's going through the motions, but not totally ROADed to the point that nobody wants him around (least of all, the audience).

If we go with the oft-quoted 60-90 seconds of film per page of script, that's a little less than a half-hour of movie, and we've got things rolling. So Leon gets a good swift Adam-sized boot in the ass. Now what? I eagerly await your answer - write more...

"Charlie was a policeman, Nick-san. If you steal, you disgrace him. And me. And yourself..."

"Tough times don't last. Tough people do."

"You have the rest of your life to solve your problems. How long you live depends on how well you do it."

Token Reactionary S.O.B.

Tue May 16, 2006 10:25 am
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