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Anony-mouse
Chibi-Czar
Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2004 9:14 pm Posts: 2769 Location: Location, Location!
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s?r R3aLit?
I'll post as I write. My goal is to write a little everyday. This is pure stream of consciousness writing. I come up with an idea and write until it bores me. I'll switch as I feel like it.
The purpose of this is to get myself into the habit of writing a little each day.
_________________
"Understanding the scope of the problem is the first step to true panic."
--Freefall
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
-- David J. Liszewski
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Fri Sep 10, 2004 6:21 am |
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Anony-mouse
Chibi-Czar
Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2004 9:14 pm Posts: 2769 Location: Location, Location!
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Family Values I
"Get up."
"I... I... can't. It hurts, father!"
Father grabbed Thanatos by the hair and hauled the small boy up to eye level with him, letting his feet dangle uselessly above the ground.
"You WILL face the consequences of your actions! Now STAND!"
Father released Thanatos' hair, letting the boy crumple to the ground.
"Father! Please! I... I had no choice!" the boy's eyes were tearing up.
"You had a choice, boy. You chose to attack me. You chose life. Now you must deal with your choice." Father punctuated his comment with a steel-toed boot the the eight-year old's ribcage.
Thanatos descended into yet another bought of hacking coughs as blood trickled from his mouth.
"Get up. Get up now or I'll kill you where you lay." Less to emphasize his point than actuall preparation to kill the boy, Father drew the knife at his belt.
"...And you held such promise." Thanatos pulled his arms and legs in closer to his body, sinking inwards into a fetal position. The child ceased his whimering, though he still shuddered occasionally through silent sobs.
Father raised the blade to put an end to yet another failure. The gleaming steel sliced through the air as Father brought the blade down in a single, swift stroke. The speed of the boy surprised Father. Taken off gaurd, Thanatos stripped the knife from Father's hands, turned it quickly around and struck.
Father had barely caught thatnatos' wrist. A quarter-inch deerper and the blade would have slid deeper between Father's ribcage and punctured his heart.
Thanatos screamed in pain when Father twisted his wrist, breaking it in his hand. Ignoring the boy's cries of pain as the knife tumbled harmlessly away, Father slammed Thanatos' young head into the ground, cracking and shattering the polished stone, knocking the boy uncounscious.
_________________
"Understanding the scope of the problem is the first step to true panic."
--Freefall
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
-- David J. Liszewski
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Fri Sep 10, 2004 6:34 am |
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Cam S.
Doom Lobster
Joined: Mon Mar 22, 2004 10:41 pm Posts: 130 Location: Kansas City, Missouri
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Well, there are a few problems here...
First of all, you need to keep your pronouns in agreement with your antecedents--you're having a little bit of trouble with that.
Second, there are no motivations here...or even hints of motivation. You might want to try to expand on that in the future.
_________________ Sounds Hawaiian, doesn't it?
--Cam
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Mon Sep 13, 2004 4:22 pm |
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