Re: (Story) Sleeping With The Girls
Story works. Ya done good. Since I don't have a Fanfic.net account, I'll post my comments here (usual caveat that I'm the last guy you should look to for lit-crit applies).
Bravo Zulu on not making the SI an
ubermensch. I've said before, I've always been partial to the concept of the Everyman as hero, and you carry it off well (not capital-H "Hero" - your guy bleeds when you cut him, and that's a good thing, in this context). The best assets you or me could bring to the table in that sort of thing are fourth-wall knowledge, and ruthless pragmatism. We couldn't possibly keep up with the nominal protagonists if we left things on their terms, so the challenge is to keep it real. You meet that, by and large.
Tech note quibble: re chapter 20 - disarming a live M67 frag is simplicity itself, so long as you: a) don't milk the spoon (i.e., let your grip on the grenade and safety lever slip enough to allow the striker to ignite the fuse train); and b) you either kept the pin and/or the safety clip, or you have something you can insert in place of the pin or can securely tape down the spoon. Of course, I was ordnance, you were commo, so maybe they didn't cover that for you...
(I could also talk about the Mossberg shotgun safety being a slide switch mounted on the tang, but I have to remember that the SI is not going to know that, since the Mossy isn't USGI, so the chara wouldn't be familiar with it - the Mossy 590 was type-classified for the Navy as a "repel boarders" weapon for sailors...)
Other than that, I liked it well enough to keep reading.